break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
