So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
