my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
