Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
