kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
