She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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