she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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