I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
