when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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