i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
