talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
