I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
