just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
