You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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