It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
