I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
