The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
