put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
