She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
