I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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