My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
