Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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