My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
