I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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