It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
