Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
