You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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