Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
