it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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