Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize