Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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