Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
