Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
