shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
