You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You took a bar mat shot.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
