You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
