guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
