why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
