I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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