Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
im on a boat
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