Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
