Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
