who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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