we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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