Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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