I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
