mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize