i think i have herpe
just one?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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