A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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