i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
