Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
