I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
