her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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