you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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