I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
