we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
