Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
