summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
