Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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