If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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