break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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