Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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