Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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