tell your sister to shave her snatch
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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