It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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