Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
