By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
