I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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