i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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