I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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