It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
