so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize