when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
