all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
