Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
