I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
