I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Randomize
