i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
