Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
