so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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