That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
