Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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