Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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